وَتَوَلّىٰ عَنهُم وَقالَ يا أَسَفىٰ عَلىٰ يوسُفَ وَابيَضَّت عَيناهُ
مِنَ الحُزنِ فَهُوَ كَظيمٌ
قالوا تَاللَّهِ تَفتَأُ تَذكُرُ يوسُفَ حَتّىٰ تَكونَ حَرَضًا أَو
تَكونَ مِنَ الهالِكينَ
قالَ إِنَّما أَشكو بَثّي وَحُزني إِلَى اللَّهِ وَأَعلَمُ مِنَ
اللَّهِ ما لا تَعلَمونَ
And he turned away from them and said, "Oh, my
sorrow over Joseph," and his eyes became white from grief, for he was [of
that] a suppressor.
They said, "By Allāh, you will not cease remembering
Joseph until you become fatally ill or become of those who perish."
He said, "I only complain of my suffering and my
grief to Allāh, and I know from Allāh that which you do not know. (Yusof 12:
84-86)
These verses are taken from the very famous story of
Sayyidina Yusof (peace be upon him) in Surah Yusof, the twelfth Surah of the
Quran. This is the part where the sons of Ya’kub (pbuh), the father of Yusof
(pbuh), came back from Egypt without the youngest of them, Binyamin, after
meeting Yusof (pbuh) because he was held captive for the alleged crime of
stealing the King’s cup (of course this was a plot by Yusof (pbuh) himself with
his brother to bring their father to Egypt).
The reason I’ve highlighted this
part of the story is to show how much Sayydina Ya’kub (pbuh) cried out of
sadness at the loss of and the yearning to see both his sons, especially Yusof
(pbuh). He cried so much that he turned blind, and his family were fed up of
his mourning. Their reaction was quite understandable given that he was still mourning and crying over the loss of Yusof after all these years (more than 30 years had passed)! He however said to them that he only complains of his grief to
Allah and knows something from Allah which they do not know.
In our society, sometimes we are
quick to judge people who mourn a loss, who cry a lot, as being impatient. But
we should let them be, for the pain of separation is severe. Let them cry as
Sayyidina Ya’kub did until he became blind. This pressure to remain strong and
composed is especially difficult for men, who are expected to be macho in the
face of adversity and loss. But crying as we can see in the story above, is not
a sign of weakness and is the most natural thing in the world, even if you’re a
man. Don’t cry if you don’t want to, but don’t judge others as being weak or
impatient if they cry. Even Rasulullah (pbuh) cried when he suffered the loss
of friends and family. He cried so much that tears would fall from his beard!
The important thing when mourning
and crying though, is to complain TO Allah as Sayyidina Ya’kub did, and not
complain ABOUT Allah, as many of us do when harm touches us. “Why me?”, “How
can God punish me like this?”, “What did I do to deserve this?” are expressions
that should be avoided as they show a lack of trust in the will of God. When
the beloved son of Rasulullah (pbuh), Ibrahim, died at a tender age of about 18
months, the Prophet cried and uttered such beautiful and profound words as
recorded in Sahih Bukhari:
We went with Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) (p.b.u.h) to the blacksmith Abu Saif, and he was the husband of the wet-nurse of Ibrahim (the son of the Prophet). Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) took Ibrahim and kissed him and smelled him and later we entered Abu Saif's house and at that time Ibrahim was in his last breaths, and the eyes of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) (p.b.u.h) started shedding tears. `Abdur Rahman bin `Auf said, "O Allah's Apostle, even you are weeping!" He said, "O Ibn `Auf, this is mercy." Then he wept more and said, "The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord, O Ibrahim ! Indeed we are grieved by your separation."
So the next time we see someone cry, cut them some slack and
let them be. Allah recorded the story of Sayyidina Ya’kub crying until he turned
blind as a lesson for us so we do not become judgmental about people who cry
when in sorrow, even if they were men. Remember though, we should always advise
each other to complain to Allah about our sorrows as he did, and not complain
about Allah.
