Emotional Intelligence

"McBroom was a pilot with a terrible temper. One day he was in the cockpit of the plane with several other trainee pilots when the landing gears started giving trouble. So engrossed was he in tyring to get it to work, he didn't realize the fuel gauge approached the empty level. And so severe was his temper, the other trainee pilots were too terrified to let him know lest they suffer his wrath. In the end, the plane crashed and 10 of them died."

This story is from a book I am reading now by Dr Daniel Goleman, a psycholgist, entitled emotional intelligence. It speaks of the importance of having emotional intelligence for good communication, for without it, terrible things happen, culminating in a story like the one above. This story is retold these days in piloting schools to show the importance of harmonious communication, which can only achieved if the team members are attuned to each others emotions. And the emotion that one needs to master in order to understand others and hence communicate effectively is empathy. It is the key emotion required for successful interpersonal relationships. It is different from sympathy in that sympathy is about feeling sorry for a person, whereas empathy is feeling what that person is feeling i.e. 'putting yourself in his shoes'. Wihtout empathy, we fail to read a situation properly and give no importance in learning the most appropriate way to deal/respond to the situation. It is because McBroom lacked empathy that he couldnt understand how terrified his subordinates were of him, and so he continued with his stern and harsh ways, leading to that unfortunate tragedy.

Some people don't mind working with a screaming boss and look at it positively, turning it into a driving force for them to do better. but the vast majority of human beings CANNOT work in such an environment. The medical field is one such environment here in Malaysia that has a lot to learn from thsi story.

I personally do not think people like McBroom should be allowed to practice medicine in a setting where teaching junior staff is inevitable, and certainly should not be allowed to take charge of junior staff like housemen at all, for the consequences can be catastrophic. yes, maybe one or two will take the stress in good light, but others may be so terrified to inform the senior doctor of a situation that may result in a patient's death!

In any case, it is prescribed in Islam for us to be gentle in all that we do. As the prophet of mercy said, "Show gentleness, for if gentleness is found in anything, it beautifies it and when it is taken out from anything it damages it." [Abu Dawud]

May Allah guide us to what is best. ameen.

(modified from my facebook post on the 11th of June 2012)

Depression....

Many psychologists point to the fact rising rates of depression is a cost of modernity. The average at age at which children are starting to become depressed is lower and the risk of any one person born after 1955 to fall into depression is higher than those born say 50 years ago. And these trends are only getting worse.

Dr Frederick Goodwin speculates, "There's been a tremendous erosion of the nuclear family - a doubling of the divorce rate, a drop in parents' time available time to children, and an increase in mobility. You don't grow up knowing your extended family much anymore. The losses of these stable sources of self identification mean a greater susceptibility to depression."

Another psychologist, Martic Seligman from the University of Pennsylvania says, " For the last 30 or forty years (the book was written in 1997), we've seen the ascendance of individualism and a waning of larger beliefs in religion, and in supports from the community and larger extended family. That means a loss of resources that can buffer you against setbacks and failures. To the extent you see a failure as something that is lasting and whcih magnify to taint everything in your life, you are prone to let a momentary defeat become a lasting source of hopelessness. But if you have a larger perspective, like a belief in God and an afterlife, and you lose you job, it's just a temporary defeat." (pg 277 of Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman)

Diana Tice, another psychologist talking about mood lifters, things people do to help them overcome troubling emotions, says, "Praying, if you're very religious, works for all moods, especially depression." (pg 84)

And I will end with a an eloquent passage from the Quran to sum all of this up:



 
 
 
 

 "O ye who believe! Seek help with patient perseverance and prayer: for Allah is with those who patiently persevere.... Be sure We shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods, lives and the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere.―Who say: when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah we belong and to Him is our return." They are those on whom (descend) blessings from their Lord and Mercy and they are the ones that receive guidance." Quran 153-157


(originally posted on facebook on the 16th of June 2013)